Southern Fried Snark

We at Southern Fried Snark are longtime lovers of fake hair. And I am going to go ahead and say if anyone wants to give us free extensions and PAY us to wear them-we are all over that.

Paris Hilton? Even screws up things concerning her hair.

She is being sued for $35 MILLION dollars by Hairtech International. Apparently she was paid around $3 million to wear their extensions and comply with their marketing mission. She missed a launch when she was in jail and they also feel her party lifestyle doesn’t fit their image.

Ummm…have they not been watching reality tv and seen what goes on with many who sport hair extensions? And, anyways, it’s PARIS HILTON. You know that story about the person who picked up a snake, got bit and was surprised? This totally applies here. I’m sorry, you knew what she was when you picked her up.

So the hair-ess is in hot water-for wearing other extensions. Her lawyers are fighting it, of course though I don’t know why. At this point in time her lawsuits are probably the version of a parking ticket to her parents. “Oh honey, don’t worry. We’ll pay your fine and I hope you’ve learned a lesson.”

And how are they going to prove she’s wearing the WRONG extensions? Are they THAT different? Will RuPaul testify? Will Kate Gosselin be called as a material witness? Will there be DNA testing?

Stay tuned as we keep our eyes on this hair-raising event.

Once upon a time Paris Hilton was hired to wear and represent a line of hair extensions. (Now she has her own.)
Apparently Paris was less than loyal to her hair benefactor and strayed to more lavish fake hair products. AND NOW SHE SHALL PAY FOR HER INFIDELITY!!!

Paris was the (allegedly) the spokesperson for Hairtech International’s Dream Catcher hair extension line in 2007. The company is claiming that she was “seen in magazines and on television not wearing [their] hair extensions and was in fact wearing competitors hair extension products.” The company also claims that when Paris was incarcerated in June of 2007 and that she was serving time when she should have been at an important launch party for the extensions.

Hairtech International is accusing Paris of fraud and deceit. They are also claiming a loss of $35 million due to her breach of contract.

Wait. WHAT? 35 MILLION???? They lost 35 million in fake hair sales? Really? WTF dude…I am so in the wrong line of work. I love some fake hair but is it really THAT (and by that I mean that they lost 35 million over Paris) lucrative because I have never even heard of these people or their hair. Are they the people that make Barbie hair…I can see that bringing in the bucks. DAMN YOU COLLEGE DEGREE…I could have made millions selling FAKE HAIR!

So the biggest freak out EVER is actually not on-screen this season with the Jersey Housewives.

Although, personally I’m still emotionally scarred from Danielle and the other old “ladies” dancing in a strip bar for a bunch of convicts. Anyone else find this horribly inappropriate? Just me?

ANYHOO-if you’d like to buy a memoir of the Housewives, you can. And no, I’m not talking about bits of Danielle’s scalp/weave though I am shocked they haven’t turned up on ebay yet.

Teresa is having to sell the contents of her house. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE 11 MILLIONDOLLARS IN DEBT. I honestly can’t even fathom how that can happen. The economy must truly be in the toilet if MOBSTERS, ahem entrepreneurs, are even suffering.

What’s up for grabs? Well, Gia is NOT on the auction block. As the most profitable one of the bunch, Mamma T is holding on to her little kiddy super model (blech). But the other 3? Totally up for grabs. I kid, I kind. I think?

Suit of armor? Jet boat? Decorative urn? Pool table? Snow plow? All this and MUCH MORE can be yours on August 29 for the low low price of $19.99 and only $6.95 in shipping and handling fees. Oh wait, I’m getting confused…The Housewives AREN’T an infomercial despite all of them using the show to sell books and “hit” songs. HOW do these biatches have a book deal and I don’t?

So you heard it hear, despite accosting, Danielle “Is Bitch better?” Staub that she and Joe were NOT banrupt, it would seem they, errr…are.

TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT-Someone is getting an iPad. Tune in at 9 pm central on www.southernfriedsnark.com and get your tweets and posts out there while you can!

We all know that Tiger had something to say today… we all know (and none of us care). BUT what we do care about it what one of his alleged mistresses had to say (and wear).

Veronica Siwik-Daniels (known to you porn fans as Joslyn James ) the star of MILF Worship 4 and Top Heavy 4 also came forward to say something today.  You can read about that anywhere.  What you can’t read about is her fake hair!  I have no idea why she felt the need to wear a wig.  You could TOTALLY tell it was a wig.  This is a woman who has shown her vag to the world via the straight to DVD market…and she had on a wig???? AND it wasn’t even a very good wig.  Surely MILF Worship 4 ponied up enough cash that she could spring for something from the Jessica Simpson / Ken Paves wig line!   She obviously isn’t spending the money on orthodontia. Did she think that shorter more conservative hair would make people take her more seriously?  Did she oversleep?  AND if she did oversleep … why did she take the time to put on fake eyelashes? Is she serious about that shirt she has on?  Is she just a farking crazy crack whore?  Yeah….that’s what I think too.

• Apparently Ellen is demanding quite the wardrobe allowance for American Idol.  $150K is the alleged amount.  Dude…How many pairs of Chuck Taylors will that buy you???

• Katy Perry turned down a $1 million offer to design a line of shoes with Steve Madden.  She is too busy.

• Courtney Love on the cover of Spin magazine.  She looks like an Olsen twin. Oh and FYI she isn’t suicidal.

• Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are engaged.  Looks like he is making an honest woman of her.

• Lorne Michaels are you listening????? Betty White says she would totally host SNL!  (She would require a no nudity clause.)(and so would we.)

• Kelly Osbourne is looking hot.  Really.  Look at the picture. Why would I lie?   Told ya.

• Sarah and I are going shopping for fake hair this weekend.  I KNOW!

While busily reading the internet for things to be snarky and superior about…I came across the news that Kate has gotten HAIR EXTENSIONS! We were just talking about her hair last night…and now she has extensions! I hate to admit it…but not only am I INSANELY jealous (because at Southern Fried Snark we LOVE fake hair) but it actually looks pretty cute! In the whole scheme of things she seems to be weathering the storm better than Jon (or his Ming vase).  Bless his heart.
For more on Kate’s extensions and to see a picture you can check out the article on people.com.