Well I guess twitter is the new confessional.  Priest are so 5 minutes ago.  One of our fav celebri-hoes is at it again…

Lindsay Lohan tweeted Friday night that she failed a recent drug test, but she’s “working hard to overcome” her drug addiction.  LoHo’s probation requires random drug tests. Judge Elden Fox imposed a new set of rules for LoHo to follow until November.  It included weekly counseling sessions for alcohol and drug rehab, random drug tests and behavioral therapy.  The judge warned her that any failure to comply could send her back to jail.  I guess that 13 days she served in jail (and 23 in rehab) just didn’t make an impact.

Tweets from LoHo on Friday night:

“Regrettably, I did in fact fail my most recent drug test and if I am asked, I am prepared to appear before judge Fox next week as a result,”

“Substance abuse is a disease, which unfortunately doesn’t go away overnight,”

“I am working hard to overcome it and am taking positive steps.”

LoHo also tweeted that she was “doing what I must do to prevent any mishaps in the future.”

“This was certainly a setback for me, but I am taking responsibility for my actions and I’m prepared to face the consequences,”

I think she is just on a sad sad downward spiral.  Poor little rich girl.

• September 20, 2010
• 0 Comments
• Share
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

‘Housewife’ Michaele Salahi Reveals Secret Illness

This story throws me on several levels.

1. I have such mixed emotions about hoping that she actually DOES have MS.  I wouldn’t wish an illness on anyone but OMG I hope she isn’t making this shit up.

2. Why was it a secret?  She hasn’t seemed to address that question.

3.  17 years of MS and even her best friend didn’t know?  It just seems odd.

4. The picture behind her in the video is slightly crooked.

• September 15, 2010
• 0 Comments
• Share
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Oh lord, I took a breather and didn’t read any trashy magazines for a week and missed ALL kinds of Spencer and Heidi news.

I know, I know. It was foolish of me to think that just because they’d filed for divorce we wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore.

But, as you may know, Heidi is having her breast implants removed-proving that perhaps there IS a slight chance she has an almost undetectable bit of common sense floating around somewhere.

Which is fortunate because she keeps “accidentally” popping out of bikini tops-when there happen to be photogs around.

I get it, if I was famous for/had paid that much for something I’d be showing them to everyone also.

ALSO, Spencer got arrested leaving Costa Rica for illegal firearms, possession and something else.

Ummm, did anyone else see Brokedown Palace? Shouldn’t he be rotting in a cell somewhere in a dress and flip flops while bathing in other people’s poo and stuff? I thought guns and drugs in OTHER countries was a really big deal.

Oh wait, I get it. Costa Rica didn’t want to put up with him either. Well played CR, well played.

So most recently they were seen at an Avon Breast Cancer walk-posing for the cameras, I mean uh, raising money for a good cause, by walking together. I think it’s wrong for her to parade her ginormous breasteses in front of people in that situation.

Anybody called Vegas to check the odds on them getting back together, I mean not really having broke up?

On a technical note: We won’t be on the next couple weeks as Gellman is renovating our studio. It will be snazzier which means we will probably look worse and more high definition than ever. I think he’s spent SO much time with the Real Housewives that he’s about to make a porn movie starring Danielle and Lesbian Superstar Lori Do I really need a last name since I preface it with lesbian superstar Michaels?

Anyways, I hope he disinfects our set frequently.

• September 14, 2010
• 0 Comments
• Share
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

I realize the days of Hulkamania are long gone…I vaguely even recall a cartoon that featured Hulk Hogan in the 80′s, did I imagine that?

Anyhoo…despite me not enjoying wrestling (well  not the kind that involves two men but ANYHOO) I always thought the Hulk seemed, well, nice.

Fast forward to his family reality show which further convinced me that he was a fairly decent, down to earth guy. Despite having a wife that looked like a washed up stripper, a daughter that looked like a wannabe stripper and a son, well he didn’t look LIKE a stripper but he looked like the type that would enjoy their, ehem, services.

And then everything spiraled out of control. His daughter had a flop for a singing career, his son went to jail and his wife left him for a fetus. An overly tan fetus at that.

And still he managed to keep it classy for the most part.

Well, today I read that the Hulk has been struck down by a devastating injury. His back has been all throwed out of whack.

Did he finally lose it and fling the fetus into the ocean where it got lost amidst sea water and spray tan remnants? Did he puncture his ex-wife’s breasteses? Did he tackle his daughter as she was gyrating in some dude’s face?

Sadly, no.

He threw out his back while on an intense hunt…for seashells. The repeated bending required to pick up those shiny shells rendered him unable to move.

The ladies at Snark have you in their prayers oh Hulkamaniac.

(We also have Gellman in our prayers. Due to the success of his producing OUR fabulous show, other opportunities have opened up for big G. He’s in the ATL producing Kim Z’s next “hit” single. He certainly didn’t want to be tardy for THAT party. Sadly, that means we will not be on tonight or Thursday.

Feel free to console yourselves with past blog posts and episodes. Tweet us, like us on facebook. We’re very friendy…except when we’re not.)

• September 7, 2010
• 0 Comments
• Share
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

I’m only half-way paying attention to what I’m writing as I am FAR too busy scouring the webs for pics of who wore what to the Emmys.

Okay Heidi-Love you. You’re gorgeous. You could wear a bag and look amazing but I am SO tired of you bitching about how short Project Runway contestants make dresses when you sport something SO short that it clues us in to whether or not you prefer shag carpet…or bare floors. Bare floors have GOT to be the answer because your dress is so short that if you had shag carpet? It would be peeking out the bottom.

Also? I get that  there is a language barrier but am fairly sure by now you know the difference between walking a red carpet and walking the streets.

Claire Danes. I have NO idea why you are at the Emmys as I can’t recall the last amazing thing you did…other than make out with Jared Leto and dude, that was when I was in high school. I’m also fairly sure you’re not earning an award for your performance in the Latisse commercial. But you look absolutely stunning.

Tina Fey-you are a fabulously funny lady. If only your clothes didn’t make people laugh. Trust me, they’re laughing at you…not with you. Perhaps an Egyptologist could translate your dress to clue us in on the joke?

Lea Michele-I love you. Why are you trying to dress like Penelope Cruz?

And Paula Abdul must have remembered to take her crazy pills-she looks stunning.

Wanda Sykes has crazy saggy boobs, Mariska Howyasay? has a lesbian haircut and Julia Louis-Dreyfus clearly got her dress at the prom dress shop featured on Jersey Couture. Here’s a tip-if you remember Seinfeld? You’re too old for a mesh midriff dress.

Jane Lynch IS a lesbian and she had better hair that poor Mariska. Jane actually generally looks unbelievable at awards shows-it’s all about knowing WHEN to go for laughs and when to go for glam.

Poor Toni Collete must have taken a detour to the ceremony, looks like she waded through an oil slicked beach in the Gulf prior to hitting the red carpet.

I don’t know WHAT Lorelai Gilmore was wearing. I guess with Rory at college and unable to provide her normal sound advice, she pulled a Scarlett O and just wrapped the drapes around her body.

Kate G, people from the Hills-you shouldn’t be allowed at awards shows until someone other than Forever 21 or Ye Olde Ladye Formal Wear wants to dress you.

I have a migraine so that is all.

• August 29, 2010
• 0 Comments
• Share
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
•