If you haven’t watched this….you MUST!

And no, I’m not talking about the booze fueled romance of LiHo or a Hilton. I’m referring to one of Hollywood’s most well-regarded couples. Snort.

Apparently Ashton and Demi are having trouble in paradise. Okay, hold the presses-wait. Some people were shocked by this?

I get that they had a good run and opposites attract (you tell it Paula Abdul) but I think everything has its limits.

Allegedly, he cheated on her with a 21 year old. How dare he hook up with someone only 11 years younger than him rather than someone 16 years older than him?

And really? Ashton was the “genius” behind Punk’d while Demi is a legit actress-barring Striptease but I think everyone deserves a gimme. And besides, she was smoking hot in that. If I had that body I’d dance around in sparkle bras ALL DAY LONG. Well, certainly more than I do now at any rate.

Of course, they’re denying the cheating rumors-what do you guys think?

Personally, I’m still flabbergasted that Demi is with assy Ashton rather than Bruce Willis-one of the hottest men ever and high on MY top five list. Anyone seen his print vodka ad? The man is delicious.

Anyways..Demi and Ashton-trouble in paradise? Shocking, I know. At least he didn’t bang Rumer.

LoHo will spend the next four weeks in jail waiting for a probation revocation hearing.

Judge Fox ordered the revocation of LoHo’s probation based on her positive drug test. Her next hearing is set for October 22. When LoHo’s attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, requested that the judge to hear her arguments for bail, he answered, “Nope.” (this cracks me up…I can just hear the tone!)

Witnesses claim LoHo was stonefaced as deputies handcuffed her hands behind her back and walked her out of the courtroom.

Her father, not wanting to miss an opportunity to whore himself out to the press, had the following to say.

“It’s a horrible situation. I just hope the judge remands Lindsay to a rehab for a longer period of time and the people in Lindsay’s life that are destroying her life and leading her down the wrong path are weeded out.”

Katy Perry is hot.  This is not making the parents of Sesame Street happy.  In fact, they are giving SS and Katy the cold shoulder!  (Get it?  Hot and Cold, Katy Perry… I am hilarious!)

Katy was invited to Sesame Street to perform with Elmo.  (I am totally jealous!)  They did a really cute, really sweet parody of her hit “Hot ‘N Cold.”    Sesame Street released the clip of Katy and Elmo on youtube as a promo for their upcoming 41st Season premier.  I guess it is a good thing that they put it out early so that the shit storm didn’t interfere with the season premier.  APPARENTLY, there were many many complaints about the amount of cleavage sported by Ms. Perry.  Enough complaints that Sesame Street actually issued the following statement:

“Sesame Street has a long history of working with celebrities across all genres, including athletes, actors, musicians and artists. Sesame Street has always been written on two levels, for the child and adult. We use parodies and celebrity segments to interest adults in the show because we know that a child learns best when co-viewing with a parent or care-giver. We also value our viewer’s opinions and particularly those of parents. In light of the feedback we’ve received on the Katy Perry music video which was released on You Tube only, we have decided we will not air the segment on the television broadcast of Sesame Street, which is aimed at preschoolers. Katy Perry fans will still be able to view the video on You Tube.”

The crazy thing is that I don’t think kids would even notice cleavage. What do you think?
I am embedding the video so you can see for yourself.
Over reacting or good parenting?

So I just finished watching the season premiere of Dancing With the Stars. I actually think they have a good group this season.

Here’s my thoughts:

Audrina P has a crazy awesome body and may not be as utterly stupid as I assumed she was.

Eliza D, otherwise known as Faith, is probably going to resurrect some of her Buffy moves on Cheryl if Cheryl continues to touch E’s man, Rick Fox. She looked a little peeved.

Margaret Cho. I love you, adore you-think you are one of the funniest people ever. I MISS The Cho Show and your haunted vagina and anal bleaching. BUT I wish you would have just danced. Everyone expected you to be funny…and you were. Note to self: when I am famous and on DWTS I am NOT going to go for laughs-sparkles and glamour. Also? Spanx. Or stand up straight and suck in your tummy-your choice.

For a 76 year old women, Carol Brady is pretty built. I’m scared of her partner. He’s creepy tan.

Brandy-you were good, everyone figured you would be. Maks-you are still insanely hot and I want someone to tell me if you’re still dating Erin. I thought ya’ll were adorableness together. You and Erin, not you and Brandy. Though I am pretty fond of Brandy’s sparkle and feather promo dress.

The red head russian pro bothers me. Lots. I hope she goes away.

Corey in the house you were more adorable and less annoying than I expected. Lacey-you should not be allowed to choose your own costumes.

Jennifer Gray-so you’re like 50? God, that makes me feel old. But what happened to your face? You used to be so pretty. I’m sad you changed your nose but your body is rocking and you danced well.

Oh The Hoff-well I think it’s HILARIOUS that he made fun of himself saying how he’s still famous in Germany, I find you the epitome of creepy/dirtyness-and not in a good way. My fave line of the  whole show was when Len told you that it’s never too early to panic. And your partner Kim? Bratchild said she looked like a stripper and I think that was a fair statement. (However I was terribly jealous of your volumized bedhead.) I did feel violated after watching the Hoff dance so I can ONLY imagine your pain.

Bristol Palin -you can’t dance but I always thought you were dumpy. And? You’re not-your legs are fantabulous. We all now know how you got Levi.

The Situation-I can’t take the patterns cut into your hair. Or your sheer shirts. Or you opening your mouth. But your 80′s dance moves made me giggle.

Michael Bolton-you may be the first man ever to look worse minus a mullet.

Did you guys notice some of the peeps in the audience? Jamie Lee Curtis, Jon Gosselin, Vera Wang and Evan L-she designs his costumes. Couldn’t figure out why Jamie or Jon were there but I LOVED the look of contempt that Niecey Nash gave the Hoff.

So what are your predictions? Who did you love? Who do you think is leaving?

My predictions:

Who SHOULD Leave: The Hoff. Obviously.

Who WILL Leave: Margaret Cho or the Situation. And as much as I hate to admit it-I think it will end up being the Cho who gets booted.

Also: If I ever end up  built like any of the chicks this season-other than Margaret Cho-again I’m sorry, (You know I love you) I’m pretty sure I will wear NOTHING  but mini dresses made out of feathers and sparkles.

Well I guess twitter is the new confessional.  Priest are so 5 minutes ago.  One of our fav celebri-hoes is at it again…

Lindsay Lohan tweeted Friday night that she failed a recent drug test, but she’s “working hard to overcome” her drug addiction.  LoHo’s probation requires random drug tests. Judge Elden Fox imposed a new set of rules for LoHo to follow until November.  It included weekly counseling sessions for alcohol and drug rehab, random drug tests and behavioral therapy.  The judge warned her that any failure to comply could send her back to jail.  I guess that 13 days she served in jail (and 23 in rehab) just didn’t make an impact.

Tweets from LoHo on Friday night:

“Regrettably, I did in fact fail my most recent drug test and if I am asked, I am prepared to appear before judge Fox next week as a result,”

“Substance abuse is a disease, which unfortunately doesn’t go away overnight,”

“I am working hard to overcome it and am taking positive steps.”

LoHo also tweeted that she was “doing what I must do to prevent any mishaps in the future.”

“This was certainly a setback for me, but I am taking responsibility for my actions and I’m prepared to face the consequences,”

I think she is just on a sad sad downward spiral.  Poor little rich girl.

‘Housewife’ Michaele Salahi Reveals Secret Illness

This story throws me on several levels.

1. I have such mixed emotions about hoping that she actually DOES have MS.  I wouldn’t wish an illness on anyone but OMG I hope she isn’t making this shit up.

2. Why was it a secret?  She hasn’t seemed to address that question.

3.  17 years of MS and even her best friend didn’t know?  It just seems odd.

4. The picture behind her in the video is slightly crooked.

Oh lord, I took a breather and didn’t read any trashy magazines for a week and missed ALL kinds of Spencer and Heidi news.

I know, I know. It was foolish of me to think that just because they’d filed for divorce we wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore.

But, as you may know, Heidi is having her breast implants removed-proving that perhaps there IS a slight chance she has an almost undetectable bit of common sense floating around somewhere.

Which is fortunate because she keeps “accidentally” popping out of bikini tops-when there happen to be photogs around.

I get it, if I was famous for/had paid that much for something I’d be showing them to everyone also.

ALSO, Spencer got arrested leaving Costa Rica for illegal firearms, possession and something else.

Ummm, did anyone else see Brokedown Palace? Shouldn’t he be rotting in a cell somewhere in a dress and flip flops while bathing in other people’s poo and stuff? I thought guns and drugs in OTHER countries was a really big deal.

Oh wait, I get it. Costa Rica didn’t want to put up with him either. Well played CR, well played.

So most recently they were seen at an Avon Breast Cancer walk-posing for the cameras, I mean uh, raising money for a good cause, by walking together. I think it’s wrong for her to parade her ginormous breasteses in front of people in that situation.

Anybody called Vegas to check the odds on them getting back together, I mean not really having broke up?

On a technical note: We won’t be on the next couple weeks as Gellman is renovating our studio. It will be snazzier which means we will probably look worse and more high definition than ever. I think he’s spent SO much time with the Real Housewives that he’s about to make a porn movie starring Danielle and Lesbian Superstar Lori Do I really need a last name since I preface it with lesbian superstar Michaels?

Anyways, I hope he disinfects our set frequently.

I realize the days of Hulkamania are long gone…I vaguely even recall a cartoon that featured Hulk Hogan in the 80′s, did I imagine that?

Anyhoo…despite me not enjoying wrestling (well  not the kind that involves two men but ANYHOO) I always thought the Hulk seemed, well, nice.

Fast forward to his family reality show which further convinced me that he was a fairly decent, down to earth guy. Despite having a wife that looked like a washed up stripper, a daughter that looked like a wannabe stripper and a son, well he didn’t look LIKE a stripper but he looked like the type that would enjoy their, ehem, services.

And then everything spiraled out of control. His daughter had a flop for a singing career, his son went to jail and his wife left him for a fetus. An overly tan fetus at that.

And still he managed to keep it classy for the most part.

Well, today I read that the Hulk has been struck down by a devastating injury. His back has been all throwed out of whack.

Did he finally lose it and fling the fetus into the ocean where it got lost amidst sea water and spray tan remnants? Did he puncture his ex-wife’s breasteses? Did he tackle his daughter as she was gyrating in some dude’s face?

Sadly, no.

He threw out his back while on an intense hunt…for seashells. The repeated bending required to pick up those shiny shells rendered him unable to move.

The ladies at Snark have you in their prayers oh Hulkamaniac.

(We also have Gellman in our prayers. Due to the success of his producing OUR fabulous show, other opportunities have opened up for big G. He’s in the ATL producing Kim Z’s next “hit” single. He certainly didn’t want to be tardy for THAT party. Sadly, that means we will not be on tonight or Thursday.

Feel free to console yourselves with past blog posts and episodes. Tweet us, like us on facebook. We’re very friendy…except when we’re not.)

I’m only half-way paying attention to what I’m writing as I am FAR too busy scouring the webs for pics of who wore what to the Emmys.

Okay Heidi-Love you. You’re gorgeous. You could wear a bag and look amazing but I am SO tired of you bitching about how short Project Runway contestants make dresses when you sport something SO short that it clues us in to whether or not you prefer shag carpet…or bare floors. Bare floors have GOT to be the answer because your dress is so short that if you had shag carpet? It would be peeking out the bottom.

Also? I get that  there is a language barrier but am fairly sure by now you know the difference between walking a red carpet and walking the streets.

Claire Danes. I have NO idea why you are at the Emmys as I can’t recall the last amazing thing you did…other than make out with Jared Leto and dude, that was when I was in high school. I’m also fairly sure you’re not earning an award for your performance in the Latisse commercial. But you look absolutely stunning.

Tina Fey-you are a fabulously funny lady. If only your clothes didn’t make people laugh. Trust me, they’re laughing at you…not with you. Perhaps an Egyptologist could translate your dress to clue us in on the joke?

Lea Michele-I love you. Why are you trying to dress like Penelope Cruz?

And Paula Abdul must have remembered to take her crazy pills-she looks stunning.

Wanda Sykes has crazy saggy boobs, Mariska Howyasay? has a lesbian haircut and Julia Louis-Dreyfus clearly got her dress at the prom dress shop featured on Jersey Couture. Here’s a tip-if you remember Seinfeld? You’re too old for a mesh midriff dress.

Jane Lynch IS a lesbian and she had better hair that poor Mariska. Jane actually generally looks unbelievable at awards shows-it’s all about knowing WHEN to go for laughs and when to go for glam.

Poor Toni Collete must have taken a detour to the ceremony, looks like she waded through an oil slicked beach in the Gulf prior to hitting the red carpet.

I don’t know WHAT Lorelai Gilmore was wearing. I guess with Rory at college and unable to provide her normal sound advice, she pulled a Scarlett O and just wrapped the drapes around her body.

Kate G, people from the Hills-you shouldn’t be allowed at awards shows until someone other than Forever 21 or Ye Olde Ladye Formal Wear wants to dress you.

I have a migraine so that is all.