Southern Fried Snark

• Apparently Ellen is demanding quite the wardrobe allowance for American Idol.  $150K is the alleged amount.  Dude…How many pairs of Chuck Taylors will that buy you???

• Katy Perry turned down a $1 million offer to design a line of shoes with Steve Madden.  She is too busy.

• Courtney Love on the cover of Spin magazine.  She looks like an Olsen twin. Oh and FYI she isn’t suicidal.

• Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are engaged.  Looks like he is making an honest woman of her.

• Lorne Michaels are you listening????? Betty White says she would totally host SNL!  (She would require a no nudity clause.)(and so would we.)

• Kelly Osbourne is looking hot.  Really.  Look at the picture. Why would I lie?   Told ya.

• Sarah and I are going shopping for fake hair this weekend.  I KNOW!

Southern Fried Snark Episode 11
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We talked last night on the show about how Hailey Glassman (the former lovah of our Douche of the Year, Jon Gosselin) has snagged a cover spread in a magazine called Steppin’ Out.  Sure, she talks inside the magazine, but what I really loved?  Was how THIS was the BEST shot.

BEHOLD. (more…)

Usually, my mom sends me emails that contain angels and .gif animations of puppy dogs or some other nonsense. But she sent me these and they were actually pretty funny.

I should also note: WE’VE BEEN STUCK AT HOME DUE TO SNOW FOR SEVERAL DAYS NOW AND OUR MENTAL CAPACITIES ARE QUICKLY DETERIORIATING.
World’s Shortest Books:
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THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
by Barack Obama
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MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
by Tiger Woods
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THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan.
Illustrated by Michael Moore
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Everyone who knows us knows that we love Spanx.  LOVE!  I have no delusions that I look super thin or hungry while wearing my Spanx BUT I do know that it sort of smooths things out and keeps it from jiggling around (and some days that is a powerful feeling).

Now for those of you that have never enjoyed a Spanx…let me fill you in.  They are a truly wonderful wonderful thing BUT they can be a little difficult to get ummm situated.  The one I most commonly wear starts just above the knee and goes all the way up to my bra.

The brilliance of this particular Spanx is the pee hole.  There is actually an open gusseted crotch so that you do not have to pull the Spanx down to pee.  Genius.  This is especially important if, like me, you usually have to find someone to pull the  Spanx up to where it should be (thanks Sarah!) in the back. (Hello, I do not have go go gadget arms!)

If you shop through the Spanx website…it would seem that they have thought of everything.  They have panties, shapers, bras, slips, hosiery and now bathing suits.  BUT I realized today that Spanx has missed the boat!  The people who have single handedly revolutionized the bodyshaping word forgot about MEN!

Now this could be for several reasons.  I have a few theories of you are interested…

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Thomas Beatie … does that name ring a bell?  Well it should.  How many pregnant men do you know?  Me?  Just the one…  and he is pregnant AGAIN!  I know!   (more…)

So we’ve talked on the show before how I have a REALLY BAD PROBLEM with things that make me sad.

I’m an empath; I feel things more deeply than others. That sounds kinda like, “I’m BETTER at feeling than YOU are!”, but trust me, this is not a good thing. When things make me sad, or when someone around me is hurting? Dude, I’m inconsolable. For a long time. And not even Xanax helps. (Okay, it HELPS. Does not FIX.)

ANYWAY, Bryan took me on a date some months back and he made me read this book:

Which, don’t get me wrong, is sweet and gorgeous and whatnot. It’s by the author/illustrator of that amazing comic, Bloom County.

But I bawled. In the middle of this giant bookstore.

And for the next two days.

And, HOORAY, they’re making it into a movie!

Which I will not be seeing.

(But you should and report back.)

Things to buy!  We love them…you should buy them!

Southern Fried Snark Episode 10
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Anyone who knows me well can tell you: the way to my heart is through puppets.

Muppets, to be specific.

And? YOU’RE WELCOME.