Everyone who knows us knows that we love Spanx. LOVE! I have no delusions that I look super thin or hungry while wearing my Spanx BUT I do know that it sort of smooths things out and keeps it from jiggling around (and some days that is a powerful feeling).
Now for those of you that have never enjoyed a Spanx…let me fill you in. They are a truly wonderful wonderful thing BUT they can be a little difficult to get ummm situated. The one I most commonly wear starts just above the knee and goes all the way up to my bra.
The brilliance of this particular Spanx is the pee hole. There is actually an open gusseted crotch so that you do not have to pull the Spanx down to pee. Genius. This is especially important if, like me, you usually have to find someone to pull the Spanx up to where it should be (thanks Sarah!) in the back. (Hello, I do not have go go gadget arms!)
If you shop through the Spanx website…it would seem that they have thought of everything. They have panties, shapers, bras, slips, hosiery and now bathing suits. BUT I realized today that Spanx has missed the boat! The people who have single handedly revolutionized the bodyshaping word forgot about MEN!
Now this could be for several reasons. I have a few theories of you are interested…
Oh good…you are!
1. Men don’t care.
2. The few gay men that might care…don’t need it.
3. MEN have AMAZING self esteem. I blame network television. How many shows can you think of where the pudgy husband is married to the hot wife? EXACTLY! Men can have a big ol’ gut hanging out and yet they still look in the mirror and think “Uh huh … I still got it!” they even say things like “This is the gas tank for my love machine.” Ladies…if we could bottle this delusion…WE WOULD BE RICH!
But just in case I am wrong…I give you RIPT !
RIPT is the revolutionary torso-enhancing undershirt!
WHAT IS RIPT
Have Your ‘Six Pack’ and Drink it Too!
RIPT FUSION is a classic men’s undershirt injected with steroids. Immediately, he will look and feel better in all of his clothes with a heightened sense of confidence.
The torso, the trunk, the gut – whatever. It’s the one part of a guy’s body that’s hard to keep tight and lean. That’s why there’s RIPT FUSION: a body-sculpting undershirt designed to support a man’s core, shave inches off his belly and enhance his posture.
If you need to take a minute to absorb that…go ahead. I’ll wait.
AND AND AND….my favorite part… THEY GIVE INSTRUCTIONS!
How to put shirt on: Pull on all the way to your underarm, then pull over your head. How to take shirt off: Pull shirt up to your underarm, then grab one side and pull all the way over your head.
I have NEVER gotten instruction with my Spanx. And really I am not sure why they even bother…men don’t read instructions!
So what do you think? DO you think that RIPT is going to do for men what Spanx has done for women? DO you think men give a rats ass? I don’t.
Tags: boats, bodyshapers, delusional, gas tank for my love machine, girdle, gut, inspector gadget, instructions, jiggle it just a little bit, panties, ript, riptfusion, Spanx, steroids
My favorite part of this post (I mean, it’s all great, but my favorite part) is the list of tags. Boats? WTF? “Jiggle it just a little bit”? I think you might need a trademark on that. Or else there WILL be a hip-hop song dedicated to you. Like, by lunchtime. Cause I’ll write it.
OMG. I just realized. You bought this for Gellman for V-Day didn’t you?
Dude, this made me guffaw. Seriously.
Twitter: StLaMar
says:
HOLY $ç*π, $58 for an UNDERSHIRT! $68 with S&H. According to last week’s show there are cheaper ways to get laid. Besides, wouldn’t she rather I spent it on her anyway?
When I started reading this post, and you mentioned “Spanx,” which I pronounced “Spank” in my head, I thought you were going one place… but you didn’t. Not sure if I’m happy or sad about that.
Then there was the whole “open gusseted crotch” that had my interest, but you didn’t go there either… Again, not sure if I’m happy or sad.
But you went to RIPT. Which is funny. I laughed at. However, I have to clarify a few things about men. Ever since I enjoyed my hot shave and massage at Roosters, my “Man Card” was rejected, so I don’t feel bad sharing this with you.
1. Men care. Men just don’t know what to do about it. It’s why we get married, so the woman will take care of caring.
2. Men have no self esteem. We just fake it well.
3. Wanna know why men don’t read instructions? It’s cause, secretly, we read them. All. The. Time. That’s the purpose of “Men’s night out.” You assume we go out for drinks, but the truth is that we meet at the library and read random instructions that might prove useful later. We pour over maps, trying to remember the way to everyplace. So when we screw up, it isn’t because we won’t read the instructions, it’s because we already have, but have so many other instructions in our head we get confused. Plus, typically we are in the presence of a female, which means our randomizer button is automatically engaged.
I swear.
Twitter: amyblam
says:
I wonder if they will start making them with, ahem, “enhancements”. You know…like women have padded bras or you can buy shapers with butt padding. Is penis padding the future?